


I Can’t Love You

by xDeathMelodiesx



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Aromantic, Aromantic Mikey Way, Bisexual Mikey Way, Bisexual Pete Wentz, Broken Friendship, Heartbreak, High School AU, M/M, Sad Ending, petekey, slight frerard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 11:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20599799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDeathMelodiesx/pseuds/xDeathMelodiesx
Summary: ‘But I can’t love you.’I really couldn’t. I’d just hurt you in the end if I told you. So I lied and made you happy so I didn’t loose you. Until one day I told you something you couldn’t forgive me for. I ruined everything because I couldn’t love you in the way you wanted.(Also on Wattpad under the same name and user)





	I Can’t Love You

I felt alienated as I silently climbed out of the bed, looking at his delicate face which was partially covered by his jet black hair. That awful, bittersweet taste filled my mouth again. It felt so good but at the same time, I regretted every moment of it and wanted to erase it, to turn back time and stop this from happening. I knew it was wrong, so wrong but like drugs, it was addicting and bad for both of us. It made my heart hurt and my stomach fill with guilt.

I slipped my shirt back over my head, running my hands down my chest to smooth out the wrinkles. Taking a glance around the room, I spotted my underwear and jeans, removing them from their place on the floor. I slipped the cotton up my long legs as I put my monochrome, checkered boxers back on. Then the next article of clothing, my jeans which had been stripped off in a hurry. The rough texture of my skinny jeans contrasted the soft, heated kisses he left across my body earlier. My stomach churned at the thought. I was torturing him by doing this but both of us wanted it. Sex was the only thing I got out of our little flings but deep down I knew he felt more than me. I knew from rumors and voiced thoughts and opinions that he did have feelings for me. Deep ones as well. 

I didn’t though. Lust and deep friendship were really the only words to describe what I felt for him. I didn’t harbor anything remotely romantic but I kept up the act to please him. Yes, I knew how shitty it was to lie to him and play with his feelings, I just didn’t want to hurt him like that. 

Grabbing my keys from the little porcelain bowl on the bedside table, I used my copy of his house key to slip out quickly and quietly. I pressed the red button to unlock my car door, wincing when the loud sound it made echoed through the relatively quiet night. Internally praying that I didn’t wake Pete up, I drove out of the driveway, carefully backing up and hoping that nobody saw me. 

I cruised smoothly along the street, glancing at the houses. Yellow and orange light illuminated the windows, some muted by the drapes hanging in front of the light source. There were also some silhouettes, people walking around in their houses, probably getting ready for bed and locking everything up. I heard the occasional dog barking at something, I heard cars in the distance. One passed by me, the bright lights hurting my eyes a bit.

Signs passed, some neon yellows and others bright reds. Red like the scratches if left on his back, yellow like the dim light that was beside us as he fucked me into the mattress. Even the moon was mocking me; it was a scintillating ivory, almost white, extremely similar to the white of his bedsheets. Pete felt so nice sliding in and out of me at a steady pace, leaving heated touches across my pale skin. I noticed that I had a hickey on the base of my neck when I glanced at the side view mirror. I’d have to steal Gerard’s makeup to conceal it before either the whole school or my mom found out.

I turned into the driveway that lead to my house, shutting off my car as quietly as possible, flinching when I had to slam the door shut. I crept around the side of the house, reaching the living room window and peeking in, making sure the coast was clear before I went in. Pushing hard against the window, it creaked as it moved up. Great, more sound to alert my parents. Cue to the telling off, them finding out about my little rendezvous and the grounding that would come if they woke up.

I shook those thoughts from my mind and climbed in, knocking the wind out of myself when I hit the ground, tripping over something I couldn’t see and falling over the arm of the couch. 

“Oh fuck,” I muttered. 

A light turned on a moment later, making my head swivel. Shit, shit, shit, here comes mom and dad. I screwed my eyes shut, awaiting my doom. But their voices never came. Instead I heard someone else say “Mikey? What the fuck are you doing?”

I looked to the doorway where the light was coming from. “Gerard?”

“It’s one am, what the hell are you doing, sneaking out this late at night? And on a fucking school night! You’re so lucky that mom and dad sleep like the dead- wait, is that a hickey?”

I flushed a cherry red when his ranting was cut off by that question. My hand immediately went up to cup it and hide it as if it were a dirty little secret. Well, I guess that’s what it is. “No! I-it’s probably something else, like... like the lighting!” 

Gerard arched an eyebrow, looking me up and down, taking in my disheveled, flushed appearance. 

“Your messy clothes, hickeys and sex hair say different,” he stated, turning back to the kitchen. “Close the window and come here.”

I shut it, still trying to be quiet. Readjusting my wrinkled shirt, I followed him, squinting when the lights hit my eyes. My brother was sitting at the kitchen bar we had, drinking a cup of steaming coffee. I gestured for him to hand it to me and the hesitance was in his hazel eyes as he finally handed it over. I took a swig, the bitterness making me more alert. I handed it back to him, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. The same hand that just a few minutes before, had stroked Pete, giving him indescribable pleasure.

“So who’s heart are you about to break this time?” Gerard questioned. 

I sighed, eyes cast downward. “Pete.”

“Pete as in Pete Wentz? The emo kid who ‘accidentally’ pushed Brendon down the stairs? Your best friend, Pete?”

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it.”

He looked at me sympathetically, a small, reassuring smile on his thin lips. “Don’t let guilt eat you up, ok? Now, was it any good?”

“Gerard!” I exclaimed, that damn blush rising to my cheeks again. 

“Someone’s gotta ask the mom questions and it isn’t gonna be her,” he winked at me.

“Fine, it was. You happy?”

“Yep, Frank owes me ten bucks now.” 

I groaned. “Did you and your boyfriend seriously make bets on me getting fucked by Pete?”

“Yup!”

He sauntered off, giggling as he went back to his room in the basement. Leaving me alone to my thoughts. 

What would happen after this? Will we still be friends? Is he gonna try and make this turn into something else, something more serious? Is this gonna hurt one or both of us in the end? 

Shaking my head and shooing those intrusive thoughts away, I climbed the stairs, hearing the creaks that came from them with each step I took. Instead of heading to the bathroom to clean up, I crashed on my bed. I just let the waves of sleep take me under, putting up no fight. I just didn’t want to think about tomorrow. 

•

I was pulled from sleep’s grasp when my alarm went off. It was screaming at me to wake up and turn it off, alerting me of the new day. 

“Fuck off,” I cursed at it, slamming my hand down on it and turning it off. I wasn’t ready to face today. Or him.

I sat up, wincing once I discovered the dull ache in my lower back. So I’m going to school where I have to sit at a desk for 7 hours with a pain in my ass. Great, just fucking great. 

Quickly changing, I scrubbed at my face and covered the bruises and fading marks that stained my skin. Gerard was leaning against the bar when I wandered down there in search of breakfast. He handed me some a slice of toast with butter and jam and some painkillers. 

“Take em now, they’ll kick in soon, about an hour or two.” Thank god for older brothers. 

“Thanks, Frank coming over later?”

“Nope, I’m going over to his. His parents are gone for the weekend meaning I can have my hot, kinky sex without you interrupting again.” 

I spluttered at the mention of the memory. I’d walked in on Gerard tied to the bedposts, a gag in his mouth with Frank roughly thrusting into him. According to them, that was a more mild session I had stumbled upon. All I wanted was to borrow Gerard’s Number of the Beast CD but got a traumatizing memory instead. 

“You should learn to lock your door.”

“And you should learn to knock first.”

Mom came into the room, interrupting our bickering. 

“Boys, stop with the arguing. School’s in ten so I suggest you grab your stuff and head out. Good luck and I love you both,” she said, kissing us both on the cheek once before heading outside to her car, getting in to go to work. 

Gerard nudged my side, “You’re riding with me, I’m driving.”

I rolled my eyes but followed him. I sling my heavy bag over my shoulder, climbing into the passenger seat. I was silent on the way to school, staring at the trees that passed as we drove. I sighed, my breath hot against the glass, making it fog up. Gerard attempted to start a conversation multiple times but I ignored him. I just wanted the day over with. 

•

The school gates came in to view, dread filling my lungs. Gerard sensed it and reached over to put a large hand on my forearm. “You’re gonna do fine.”

I really wasn’t though. 

The first face I saw when I entered the building was him. Pete talking to Patrick just a few meters down the hallway. Shit. 

Josh came up behind me and snatched the beanie from my head, both causing a bit of a commotion and rescuing me from my internal panic. He ran down the hallway, throwing it to Frank who waved it around and took off as well.

“Josh, Frank! Give it back you assholes!” I called, speeding down the hall and bumping into students. Pushing past the grumbling teenagers, I grabbed my hat and forcefully shoved it back on my head. I glared at Frank who was doubled over due to intense laughter. Gerard crept up behind him and wrapped his arms around Frank’s waist, hoisting his tiny body up in to the air.

“I’ll take him, you head to class,” Gerard said, leaving a wet kiss on Frank’s cheek. I just smirked and rolled my eyes at them. 

The bell rang, signaling that class was about to begin. I slid into my seat, using what little time I had to pull out my phone and spam Gerard with random letters and emojis. Snickering to myself when he sent me a middle finger, the teacher entered the room, meaning calculus was about to start.

•

Lunch eventually came after hours of waiting, sitting in a classroom full of restless and rowdy kids and I should be in the cafeteria right now but I’m in the bathroom, making out with Pete. 

His lips tasted like honey, so sweet and addicting. His hands wandered my body, crawling across my skin. I licked at his lips, begging for entrance and he complied, slipping his tongue in my desperate mouth. I clawed hungrily at his neck, blunt nails leaving faint pink lines in their wake. He murmured to me, “Fuck Mikey, wanna to suck you off so badly.”

I lowly groaned. “Yes, god yes.”

Pete dropped to his knees, unbuttoning my tight skinny jeans. Not even bothering to push them down, he licked a stripe down my boxers, sending a shiver up my frame. He pulled the waistband of my underwear down, pulling my erect cock from it confines. A wet, dripping heat engulfed me, moving up and down. A long moan left my lips as Pete paid more attention to my slit, sliding his tongue along my shaft up to the tip. 

His amazing mouth left my cock, making me whine in protest and it was replaced by his hand. He brushed his fingertips against the vein that ran along my length, pressing down on my sweet spot right below my slit. His tongue darted out to taste the pre-come that had formed and few more flicks of his wrist and I was coming hard. Hot, white ribbons coated his tongue and hand. I slumped against the stall, ragged breaths causing my chest to rise and fall at an abnormal pace.

“Want me to finish you?” I asked, gasping for breath. He nodded, gorgeous chocolate eyes filled with desire. 

My hand wandered south, unclasping the button on his jeans. I pushed both his boxers and jeans down, lazily stroking him. Pete’s head hit the stall, causing a loud noise that echoed through the vacant bathroom. I knelt, taking his dick in my mouth and gently sucking on the tip. Multiple grunts left Pete’s mouth. I looked up through my long lashes, watching the looks of ecstasy that flashed across his beautiful face. My teeth grazed his shaft, hollowing my cheeks as I moved up. Carefully fondling his balls, he came into my mouth. 

The bitter liquid slid down my throat, I closed my mouth and wiped it with the back of my hand. We sat there, panting and looking at each other in the eyes, feeling the slight tension that wanted to set in. Pete seemed like he was hesitating, internally debating on something. He apparently made up his mind as he surged forward, grabbed my cheeks and pulled me in for a hard, forceful kiss. I was taken by surprise and recovered quickly only to have him pull away.

“Wha... what was that?” 

He flushed and looked sheepish. “Oh, I, um I don’t know. I just felt like it so...”

Eyeing him up and down skeptically, I said “Sure, let’s head back to the cafeteria.”

A warm hand moved its way into mine and was there for a few moments before it slipped out and he was walking away. I liked the gesture. What I didn’t like was the way he got a little glint in his eye when he grabbed my hand. Hope was what it was. He thought we honestly had a chance. It made me feel sick, knowing that it wouldn’t work. Not when one of you is a broken freak who can’t feel what people called romantic attraction. 

•

The first thing that happened when I walked in to the cafeteria was a loud wolf-whistle coming from Brendon. The entire room silenced and turned to him, some annoyed, some confused. I just ignored it and walked over to the table, sitting beside Ray who briefly smiled at me before going back to the conversation he was having with Dallon. 

Frank took in my appearance and nudged Gerard in the side, tilting his head towards me. My brother took a look at me, glanced at Pete who was a ways away, talking with Lindsey, Gerard’s best friend. He looked back to me, raising an eyebrow. ‘Again?’ It seemed he was asking. I just shrugged in response. 

“So,” Brendon’s voice cut me out of the silent conversation. “I saw you following Pete from the bathrooms, anything you’d like to share with the class?”

“No,” I mumbled, scowling at him. 

“Well, if you wanna gossip about it, we’re all here.”

•

Our little escapades continued, us sneaking off to my room, the school bathrooms, anywhere we could find. The topic of friends with benefits came up between us but after tossing the idea around, we decided on the more crude version: fuck buddies. We were just friends who fucked like rabbits at every chance they got. Except I just wanted to get off and he wanted more. I could feel him getting flirtier, waving off random kisses and the need for physical affection increased. Of course, I just went along with it, barely batting an eye at it but the guilt wanted to tear me apart. 

My little secret found it’s way out into the open when I was over at his house, him lazily leaving love bites on my collarbones. I was splayed out on his gray couch, hands tangled in his unruly black hair as he straddled me, nipping at every inch of skin he could find. Groans left my lips, disappearing in to the air. Then I felt him murmur against my pale flesh. “God I love you.”

My heart dropped and I shut my mouth, gently pushing his head away from me. Confusion and a sliver of hurt filled his wide eyes, brows furrowed ever so slightly. 

“What did you say?”

“That I love you okay? I have since freshman year.”

My mouth opened and shut like a fish underwater, nothing but stuttering, flabbergasted sounds leaving my thin, pink lips. Panic filled me. He was looking at me, expecting an answer. Pete leaned forward to try and connect our lips but I moved back, fear clawing at my throat and chest. He looked so hurt right now.

“Wha-,” he began but I cut him off. 

“I’m sorry Pete but I don’t love you. I never have and I never will. I’m sorry.”

Now it was his turn to look shocked, “Why not?” He sounded so heartbroken. I had ruined this, I’d ruined everything.

“I just, I can’t love you, okay?”

“That doesn’t answer my question Mikey. Why not? Answer truthfully.”

I sighed, feeling the prick of tears beginning. “I’m aromantic okay? I’ve never felt romantic attraction, probably never will. That’s why.”

“Yet this whole time you let me think that I had a chance? That I could be with the guy I’ve fallen for? What am I to you, a boy toy? Something to fuck around with then toss when you’re done?” Pete’s tone was getting increasingly harsh, betrayal and hints of beginning hate seeping into his voice. 

Pearly tears fell down my face. I tried to come up with an actually meaningful response but he kept cutting me off, eliminating any chance I had at speaking. “You should just go Mikey. Alright? I don’t want to deal with this.”

I mutely nodded my head and bolted out of the door, slamming it behind me. This time I hadn’t bothered to bring the car, meaning I’d have to walk back home. I started sprinting down the street, tears falling with every step, a few hitting the pavement below me. My arms were wrapped tightly around my slim frame. He’s so pissed at me, he can’t even see my face or stand to be around my presence. I shouldn’t have to him the thing that held me back. I was right, it had hurt both of us in the end.

I ruined the relationship I had with the person I trusted and loved the most because I told him that I couldn’t love him in the way he wanted.


End file.
